Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Tea with Br I'm trying to live my life I just need space to grow I'm just trying to make it right these people won't let me go I'm just trying to live my life I just need space to grow I'm just trying to make it right these people won't let me go Let me grow, let me go, let me grow, let me go they should know, they should know they should know, they should know I'm just trying to live my life I just need space to grow I'm just trying to make it right if you won't let me go.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: Welcome to the Tea With Bri. I'm your host, Bri. Thanks for listening. The Tea with Bri podcast is focused on deep, honest and vulnerable conversation. Each week I sit down with a different guest in order to have those conversations.
Every week we'll start my guest's bio, an intro to how we know each other, and then we'll go into a deep dive conversation about whatever topic they brought to me that week. This week I am joined by my guest, Geeta Sidhu Rab. A dynamic entrepreneur, founder, business strategist and transformational coach. Geeta Sidurab has built a world renowned reputation for success. From founding the highly acclaimed nosh detox in 2008 to coaching some of the world's most influential leaders, to founding W corporations, Gita is a force of nature in business leadership and women's empowerment. Her impressive roster for clients include Glyneth Paltrow, the Duchess of York, Nadia Sworsky, and multiple high profile CEOs whom she has guided in scaling their business, executing IPOs and achieving multimillion dollar exits. Hello.
[00:01:48] Speaker C: Hi.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: I am so excited. I want, I want to start by saying thank you for your patience. As we talked about off Mike, my life has been lifing as everyone is. But I'm so excited to talk to you. Just our conversation we just had, we hopped on really quickly. I'm like, oh, this is going to.
[00:02:04] Speaker C: Be such a good one.
[00:02:08] Speaker B: So good, so good. So I guess my, my biggest first question is how did you find me? Because I always love people who reach out like, I want to be on your podcast. And like, great. How'd you find me?
[00:02:19] Speaker C: What was the I have a lady whose job it is just to find other cool women and ask if I can go on their podcast. So that's her job description, which I think sounds like a great bloody job.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: That's a dream job, honestly.
[00:02:33] Speaker C: So that's what she does and that's how I end up on weird and wonderful places with. With some really interesting people.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: I love it. And you are based in the uk, correct? Yeah.
What's that? Like, it's my dream to go to the uk. It has been since I was, like, five.
[00:02:50] Speaker C: Like, like, now's a good time. I would leave America right about now.
[00:02:53] Speaker B: Literally.
[00:02:54] Speaker C: Now's a good time.
[00:02:55] Speaker B: Yeah. I have two friends named Charlotte, and they're both like, now's the time. Like, if you want to just leave the us, Come on over. I'm like, one's born and raised there, and one's a dual citizen, and so they're both like, now's the time. Like, I know everybody, but my family knows if I go, I will never come back. Like, has been my dream since I was five. Like, Princess Diana was the light of my life. Huge Elton John fan. Like, Spice Girls, whole thing. Like, I watch mostly British television.
[00:03:22] Speaker C: Like, you just need to come.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: I just. I will never come back to the United States.
[00:03:29] Speaker C: I just. I don't see it like that. I, like, I. I say yes to so many things I have always done, because I remember thinking that I have no idea what.
I like to know what's going to happen, and it never happens. Right. So I made decision, like, scaffolding of rules that I live within, they're very wide scaffolding. But, like, one was, what would you regret?
[00:03:54] Speaker B: Good question.
[00:03:54] Speaker C: And so I was like, if I'm going to regret, I'm going to say yes. So I, like, I. I'm going to Brazil next week. And my. My friend. I'm my friend's daughter's goddaughter, and she's like, baby, you free on the week of the 6th of February? I'm like, yeah, yeah, kind of. She goes, oh, great. Come for Zaya's baptism of Christian. I'm not Christian. And so. And I was like, okay, which country are you in? Because it could be Lisbon. It could be.
[00:04:21] Speaker B: I hadn't even.
[00:04:22] Speaker C: I was like, I'm not coming to America, so where.
[00:04:25] Speaker B: Where are you?
[00:04:25] Speaker C: She goes, we're in Brazil. Hop a plane and sleep all night. I'm like, it doesn't work like that.
[00:04:31] Speaker B: That's. That's the kind of friend I want to be. Like, where are you this week? Like, oh, thank you for asking.
[00:04:37] Speaker C: So I'm going to.
[00:04:39] Speaker B: Yes, as you should. And, like, my mom passed when I was 15. She was 40.
And so my life has always been like, just do the thing. Like, life. I have just seen life as way too short to have regrets. And so I have Been making a strategic plan of how to get to the uk But I think now just, like, just go and figure it out and hope for the best.
[00:04:59] Speaker C: Because I would go and think, I'm gonna go and check it out and come back. You're just a recce. Like, let me go do a recce and come back.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:05:07] Speaker C: Then there's no pressure.
[00:05:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:09] Speaker C: Because the worst thing is we put the worst pressure on ourselves to achieve certain things. Just do a recce, hit, run, and come back.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Why not?
[00:05:16] Speaker C: Like, you can buy tickets for two $300.
[00:05:19] Speaker B: True. Use it. Yeah. Oh, he laughed. I moved away when I was 26 and then was gone for eight years and moved to Texas. And I went, like, I went to visit my best friend. I was there for, like, a week, came back and moved in, like, six months. My family's like, you know, no one. I was like, yeah, but it felt. It just felt right, and I did it and had, like, the best eight years of my life. So this is.
You're speaking my language. This is right up my alley. I'll see you in a couple of months.
[00:05:43] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: Yeah. And I. And I think for what we were talking about before we started recording, I think the biggest thing for me, too, being an American and loving travel is in being a politics nerd. Like, we talked about is, like, I'm also really fascinated to see what the rest of the world thinks about us right now. And I'm like, I wouldn't ask them. I know. I'm not gonna like, oh, my gosh. Hi.
I'm just traveling, but I think that's been the interesting thing. Like, just being a person who's online and seeing, like, comments from folks like, is this how every American thinks? We're all like, no, I promise. You are, like, all a good part of us are like, no, we are. We are also seeing the downfall of our country.
[00:06:25] Speaker C: And no, I don't think every American thinks that. I mean, you're clearly not the person that thinks that. Right. Because it's against you. I mean, there's no way you would look at a person of color and think, oh, you chose well. There are a few.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: Say there are.
[00:06:37] Speaker C: Yeah, there's a few that chose, and you're now hoping that they've actually, you know, changed. But, yeah, no, no, yeah.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: That's a whole different podcast episode for.
[00:06:50] Speaker C: Shoot Yourself in the Foot this way.
[00:06:52] Speaker B: I like, really quickly. My uncle, a veteran, lives in Florida, completely different political affiliation than me, and I'm like, what is. What is happening? What are we doing here? And he's just always like, well, I'm like, I.
So we'll have you back for a second conversation on that.
[00:07:10] Speaker C: I think that when you look at what is happening today, we need to give less leeway. I, I, there's all that rubbish about compromise and.
[00:07:19] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:07:20] Speaker C: And you know, and now I kind of look at that and I'm like, no, no, no, you're clearly an idiot. I don't know what you want me to do about this. But you, if you can look at all of these things and think what you think, you are choosing to think in a particular way, and I have nothing to say to you. We're good.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Yeah. That was a woman. I follow. I think it's girl in politics, or I'll find it and I'll put in the show notes. But she's like an older white lady. She does a lot of talking on cnn.
And she, her thing, she recently said this week is like, we have to hold people to people accountable.
You have to, like, it's no more of this. Like, why voted for him and I didn't know or I voted for him and I thought, like, yeah, but now you've seen it after we've been telling you for years on end and all of you are still trying to hide it. Like, well, I'm like, you have eyes. You can't. Like, the people who just, like, deeply, staunchly will believe anything that they are told, like the brainwashing and like, being culpable. I'm like, but then they call us sheep. And I'm like, you guys, I look at things, I can read, I can make my own decisions. But like, this herd mentality of, like, believing everything that the government is telling you, I'm like, I need everyone to pay attention. And again, as a person who's been obsessed with politics mostly her whole life, like, I hold everyone to scrutiny, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, whoever. Like, I'm not, like, I'm not a fan of politicians. They work for us.
[00:08:39] Speaker C: I tell you what's interesting is that never before, the biggest benefit about Donald Trump is that there is absolute visibility of everything.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:50] Speaker C: And you really have to admire that because thank God for that. Because without that, we would still be stuck somewhere.
[00:08:55] Speaker B: Right?
[00:08:56] Speaker C: It would have been same old, same old. Whereas you look at this now and you're like, huh? So literally, you just care about money. Everything else can go.
Yeah, because the money. Because. But the thing is this the difference. Because to me, there is a big difference in money and power, which money is loud and power is very quiet.
You Know, and I grew up in, in a family that had a lot of power and a lot of money. And so the people that have that are the ones that are very quiet. And you would walk into a room and you knew that the wealthiest person in that room is the quiet guy wearing the slightly scruffy clothes at the back of the room, guy in the front with the big watch and the va va, boom and the car that's on lease, you know, and so when you're looking at these guys, you're like, y' all are the money people. Where's the power people? And what are they going to allow happen and not allow happen? Because there's no way he's in control of this.
[00:09:49] Speaker B: No, he's a puppet. Yeah, but like, for me right now is they've been talking about, there's been like, chatter about, I think it's the 25th amendment, if I'm remembering correctly. This is, I gave up coffee months ago and my brain is still catching up, but essentially being like, what would it look like for them to, like, let J.D. vance now take over because Trump is no longer fit to run? I'm like, that, I don't know that as a person. Like, he's educated. He's a lawyer.
Watching how he has swapped back and forth politically too. I'm like, that is like, at least with Trump, I know he's a puppet that, like, as a person who can think for themselves and is educated, that also makes me a little bit more nervous.
[00:10:29] Speaker C: Yeah, but being his wife would really suck.
[00:10:31] Speaker B: It already sucks.
[00:10:33] Speaker C: That poor woman advance for any money in the world.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: Listen, I, I, that is as I was, I went to school for social work and like, that's a social work study for me. Like, to know how they got together and that the fact that they're still married and have four children, almost four children. I'm like, but the thing that's also.
[00:10:53] Speaker C: Interesting for me now is what happens now. Because I think that this, what is so interesting about times of instability is that when you're in times of inst. Is when women are allowed to have power. So things that they let women run when it's all going to hell, you're like, ah, you think this is going to screw up. That's why you're letting women take over. Otherwise they fight you tooth and nail for it because they're like, no, no, no, this doesn't fit our narrative.
So when you're in this kind of scenario, what's important to understand is that instability rewards women who understand their Strength and their power, not their resilience. Not this, I hate this bounce back shit.
I'm not a trampoline. Do not tell me about bouncing back. But there's place where if you look at the feed of women, it's like, oh, girl, you get over it.
Don't even get into it. Let's try with that one. Let's not get over anything. Let's not get into it. Under it, on it. None of the above. Stay home, husband your power, husband your resources, and then work out how to deploy them to maximum effect.
That's your job.
And that means that you have to step into being the most powerful woman that you know to be. And if that's your everyday job, imagine how different the world would be.
[00:12:05] Speaker B: Yeah, Yeah. I think about it too. Like, you're saying of like, these women, these women in positions of power, like, they're, quote, letting them do it now because it's falling apart. So if it falls apart and fails, it can blame her. But if she does well with it, like, well, she got lucky. She figured. I'm like, I'm like, are you kidding? And. And it's been also a thing that's been like, chatter online of like, people now ask like, where's. Where's Kamala Harris? I go, y' all didn't vote her into office. That woman doesn't owe you anything. No, you didn't want her.
[00:12:32] Speaker C: She should be sitting on a freaking beach somewhere with a pina colada.
[00:12:36] Speaker B: Hello. You know, I'm like, no, that's a lot of conversations. Me and my friends who are other like, black women, queer activists, we're all like, we are tired. We have been yelling this for years.
And now that it's like, come to the doorstep of white people now you all are like, well, can you. Nope. Figure it out. We told you it was broken years ago, centuries ago.
Like, and it's just generations of just us being like, yelling and being like, we can organize. We have organized. We've done this work, be our ally. Instead being like, well, you don't really need to because it doesn't affect us. I'm like, okay. And now seeing how DEI and tell people it was truly created. Like, we talked about off mic, like, for white women to get into positions of power and get and better their lives. And. And you know your comment when we got on of like, white women are one of the, if not the most oppressed because they think they sit at this, like, intersection of whiteness and power. Then it's like, but they are also so marginalized. But I think a lot of them lean into their whiteness, and I'm like, yeah, but that's not going to save you in this case. You're still a woman, and men aren't going to let you do so.
[00:13:41] Speaker C: Yeah. And also, I don't even think they're just marginalized. I think they're also exhausted because they keep being told they not only can you have it all, you have to do it all, too.
It's hard work. Like, in the old days, you would have a baby, make a baby, carry a baby, have a baby, and people would look after it. Nowadays, you make a baby, carry the baby, have the baby, pay the baby's bills, look after that baby, watch that baby, and then have that idiot baby grow up and then go, I didn't like how you danced at my wedding.
Please.
[00:14:15] Speaker B: I can't. Your face right now. I cannot. Yes. Yes.
[00:14:19] Speaker C: It is such a white child, man. Wow.
[00:14:24] Speaker B: Yep. Yes.
[00:14:26] Speaker C: Imagine doing that. You best be hiding before I find you, dude.
[00:14:31] Speaker B: Your mother is Posh Spice. How dare you.
[00:14:34] Speaker C: There's all these women. I looked at my kids, and I'm like, thank God I'm not as famous as that woman, because that would have so happened to me at some stage. Some childhood have gone, me, me, me.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: Huh?
It is it. All I could think about, too, is, like, the fodder online of, like, so many things are happening. Like, we just saw, like, with the Beckhams and this, like, thing with, like, Hillary Duff and, like, Ashley Tisdale. Like, all the white moms of, like, Hollywood who are, like, fighting. I'm like, you guys, they're, like, actual issues occurring.
What are we. And then, like, with Don Lemon, which actually, you know, Don Lemon in Georgia being arrested.
[00:15:08] Speaker C: That is wild.
[00:15:10] Speaker B: Freedom of speech no longer exists.
Why?
[00:15:13] Speaker C: You guys ever thought you had democracy? Like, I'm sorry. Like, you have to work seven jobs and go bankrupt if you get sick. Like, where's the democracy in this? There isn't an education system that does not teach you anything that way.
The better to. To not have you use. Oh, it just annoys me, this whole thing. Like, I mean, I don't want to say we're so much better. Okay? Like, if you go, I. I was.
I was saying to you that I. I did a TEDX talk, and I speak to the head of TEDx Berlin, and he was like, oh, you know, we want to talk about the Global south because the Gates foundation is talking about how babies in the Global south die and all this. I was like, let me just Stop you a moment. Babies up the road who be black and brown be dying.
You don't have to be in the global South. Let's stop othering a problem that is happening to us. And he's like, I'm sorry. What do you mean? And I'm like, black babies are twice as likely to die in the first year after giving. After birth. Mothers are twice as likely to die having given birth. You know, I mean, this happens to us.
It's not happening to someone else. So let's talk about our problems before we're willing to go and shove them in a corner and go, it's happening to all those nice black people in another country.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: Yep. I literally had this conversation the other day with someone. I was like, the US Is always so quick to go somewhere else rather than help their own. Yeah.
[00:16:30] Speaker C: Because you distract. Right?
[00:16:31] Speaker B: Distract. Exactly. But then it's also too. Like, with Don Lemon being arrested yesterday and knowing that. Well, if you've noticed, whenever they're about to release more of the Epstein files, something really big happens, and they always do it on Friday.
[00:16:45] Speaker C: Yeah. Look at when they took all the Georgia votes.
Yeah.
[00:16:50] Speaker B: Thinking that no one's paying attention. It's the weekend. I'm like, no, no. We are not idiots.
[00:16:53] Speaker C: I love about that woman from Georgia who needs to be given a frigging medal. If you all could just quietly get on with it, please. She stood in front of the FBI. She read Sabina Subpoena. Sub. She read the subpoena. She said, this subpoena is incorrect. Bish made them go and get another one. I'm like, balls of steel.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Journalist. Georgia for. I'm like. And the biggest thing, too, is, like, the way that everyone, like, rallied around Jimmy Kimmel being silenced. Like, I knew don't have that same energy for Don Lemon. Don Lemon and Georgia for. And everybody other. These other black activists and journalists who were arrested yesterday for literally reporting and watching people be online. Well, John was there to, like, provoke. Like, he was lit. He's a. He's been a reporter for over 30 years. He was reporting the news. People, like, he organized this protest. And d. I'm like, y' all will do everything. But he was black and j.
[00:17:44] Speaker C: Microphone.
[00:17:48] Speaker B: Like, also, I thought we were allowed to have peaceful protest. I thought we were like. But like you said, here's democracy. We have democracy.
[00:17:54] Speaker C: And I'm like, okay, well, the world's leading democracy. It's very interesting watching. It's really unfortunate for.
For you, obviously. And in the depth of my heart, I feel Sadness about this, but when we grew up, we learned about the Gestapo. We learned about the Nazis. We learned it. And when you watch this happening, you're, like, wild.
So that's how it happened. Except we're filming every single thing that you do, you know?
And I was. I was speaking to a friend of mine who is a white man, and I was like, but have you not heard this thing? It's like, yeah. I'm like, where'd you get your news from?
The Financial Times? The BBC? This. I'm like, babe, they're all other white men.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:18:42] Speaker C: So, you know, maybe we need to.
[00:18:44] Speaker B: Like, step out, consider the source.
[00:18:46] Speaker C: Yeah, well, you can if you're a white man. Maybe that's what you consider.
We always go for people that look and sound like us.
[00:18:54] Speaker B: So it's. Yeah. And it's so interesting because, like, again, like I told you, I'm such a politics and news nerd. Like, I have so many different buckets of people that I listen to.
There's this one podcast that's called Unbiased, which is like, this white woman lawyer, and she just looks at the news and, like, a completely, like, neutral stance. And then the woman I mentioned earlier, the white woman, political girl, politics girl. I can't think of it right now. But then, like, there are, like, a lot of black women journalists I listen to. And, like, obviously, Rachel Maddow is a big one, but I'm just always like, I have done a. I've done the work to diversify where I get my news because of how things are reported on. Right. And it's just like. Because, like you just said, like, we learned about the Nazis, slavery, all these things. And then, like, watching it now, literally, Nazi camps happening again here in our country with, like, detaining citizens, us or people who have immigrated here. And I'm just like, does no one.
Yes.
[00:19:51] Speaker C: No. But it's also, like, people are sending me messages going, so, like, we'd like you to come and speak at this. And the. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not coming anywhere. They used to download my phone five years ago. Imagine what they do to me now. I'm like, no, thank you. I'll stay right where I am. Let me save you the effort and the trouble. And I'll. I'll keep my. Myself nice and quiet over here. So let's talk about something positive.
[00:20:11] Speaker B: Yes. Sorry. Yes.
[00:20:15] Speaker C: Well, no, because there are so many things that aren't working so well.
There is an infrastructure, and the infrastructure is where normal equals white man.
And Traditional equals rich white man, then everything that is not normal is not those things.
So when we are here, where we have these forces that are working so insanely hard to keep normal going at all cost, we start to see how very much small a system they. They are, how small force they are, that if they. If there are. There are maybe 11 of them in the world, it's just deploying the money and the resources for misinformation and doing all of these things and troops and guns and. Because they're in power.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:11] Speaker C: And I think that when you understand that what you. The freedom it's always given me to understand is that my idea of normal then can has to be built alongside this.
Now what happens if you. Like we brought Snap Davos in for the World Economic Forum, and I hosted an event called Reimagining the World for Women.
And I'm like, what if you reimagine the world for women?
And that's what I want to say to all the women that are listening to you. When you reimagine the world for you, what would it look like? What if you are in the universe? What if you create your reality?
What if you know, and we all know the women that will trauma bond with you in a heartbeat. And then there are the women that won't.
So find those women.
Find the power that is within you that has helped you to get over all the crap that is a standard practice of being a woman. Rich, pink, yellow, white, green, blue, poor. It's the same stuff.
And so what is it that you can do to develop the sense of your own power so that the toxicity that has become masculinity gets balanced by the rise of a powerful woman?
That's really what's important.
Rising of powerful woman women so that there is a balance to the way that this conversation is happening. And that balance will not come from necessarily fighting them, but the balance will come from opposing them.
And we don't have opposition forces that are unified.
And it's my dream that we end up with a. Like by the. I would love it. By the end of this year, let's see what happens where there are a million women on a community from around the world, and every time one woman steps forward to speak, there are 999 women, 999,999 women behind her.
Woman is standing up to speak alone.
[00:23:00] Speaker B: Right.
[00:23:00] Speaker C: You know, she's standing up to speak as part of a community.
And when we become in that place, you become a unified force that can then do politics, economy, Finance, all of those things. And that's what we've always missed as women. We have missed being a unifying force because we somehow think we're different to each other. We're just not.
And these guys all know they're the same as each other, and they all cabal up.
They do. And they don't care where they come from. Look at the Epstein files. They'll be from Saudi, they'll be from, you know, Mongolia. They'll be from wherever because they see themselves as being on a par because they're rich men with.
Where's the female equivalent of that? That is not just American, but a clo.
[00:23:48] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. I think the big part too, is, like, you mentioned of, like, not the women who were trauma. Bond with you.
[00:23:56] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:56] Speaker B: Because that's a.
That's a big one and I understand.
[00:24:01] Speaker C: It, but it doesn't help us.
[00:24:02] Speaker B: It doesn't help.
Like, we could talk about it, but it's not gonna. We can't go back and change it. We can use it to, like, empower us to move forward, but if we stay in that, where does it bring us? So, yeah, I think that's a really big important part to talk about, and that too, of.
Of what makes us the same. And I think that's a big part of, like, a lot of conversations I have with my friends. And like, when you and I first got on, of like, women of color are taught community. We're taught to be together.
And we, like, we said. I think white women are taught competition. So I think that's. That wasn't a mistake because men knew if women can get together and do shit, we would get shit done and overthrow all these positions of power and take the power. And I think that that's been a way that they have also systematically kept us. Have kept us apart. And, you know, I think about right now the conversation on people, women who are, like, anti feminist and like, who taught you that? Like, where does that come from? Like, I was like, I would much rather be surrounded by women who support me and believe in me and do the things I'm like, I trust women more than I trust men 99% of the time.
[00:25:04] Speaker C: Like, did you hear that joke when they said, if men were not on earth, who would protect you? And the woman said, from.
[00:25:11] Speaker B: Yeah, it's like, from what?
Yes. And I. And I think, like, that's. That's the biggest thing for me. Like, when I think. And I look at all my friendships with my female friends, like, I have never once seen us competition. I Have never wished you ill will. There's never. I've never hated where my friends are, where they're going. I'm like, if anything, I'm like, can I invest? How can I support you? What do you need? And it's just. And I look at other. My friends who have other friends, I'm like, oh, they don't even like you.
And I can see it. And I'm like. And I feel really sad. Oh, my God.
My dad always says. He's like, you have a no.
Like, monitor. I was like, yeah. No, like, I can tell when. When shit ain't sweet. And I'm like. And I. Does. Does it make people uncomfortable? Sure. I'm like, but I'm not about to hitch my wagon to you and then you'll let me fall off and use me as a scapegoat or whatever else like that. That too also gets me too. So, like, yeah, like, you're saying of like, if women could come. When women come together and support each other and give and create and support space, I mean, I just. That's the. That's the world I want to live in.
[00:26:16] Speaker C: No way. Well, let's make it. I think that the issue with this is that women don't know how to make themselves powerful and so work that I do. So let me break that down, please. I'll be like, thanks for telling me. What the hell am I meant to do? Here's what.
[00:26:31] Speaker B: Sorry.
[00:26:33] Speaker C: What I want you to think about is this.
And like I said, I've worked with about 24,000 women over the last 17, 18 years. So I work with a lot of women in different. Different men. But really, I like women.
And there is a big difference for women between self confidence and self esteem esteem. Self confidence is what we do well, because all this coaching and that we do is so male focused. It's male created. It's male systems. I coach. I honestly think, having coached so many women, that we need to create different coaching systems that are just for women. I've coached a Formula one driver, academy driver, and she went. She did a race and she came 18th. We did an hour of coaching and she came 10th.
And she just needed different coaching.
Like, how do you go from 18th in a race to 10th in a race after one hour? Because I'm miraculously good. No, but because I spoke to her. I mean, yes, I'm good at what I do, but I spoke to her what she needed as a girl, as a woman, you know, and to do it differently. So when you're looking at that, self confidence is what you do. Now, the problem women have, which men don't have, which is why none of the coaching models and we have, we have in this day and age help you with this, is we struggle with self esteem. Esteem and our self esteem and our self confidence are two separate things. So what I the way I want you to think about, ask me every stupid question so I can break down because I think about this all the time. So feel free.
Self confidence is the things that you do. You can go to work, you can be Gwyneth Paltrow, you can be famous, you can be rich, you can do so good, you can be the supervisor, the manager, the director, everything. And you can still have personal low self esteem because your self esteem is broken down into your self love, self belief and self worth.
Now when you look at what those things are, how it doesn't matter you how many women know that are great at what they do and yet they're like, yeah, I look really fat.
[00:28:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:22] Speaker C: Oh, I mean, yeah, he asked me out, but I wasn't sure and I didn't feel like I look good. Self esteem.
[00:28:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:29] Speaker C: And a lot of the issues we have around self esteem come from the male gaze and from the people pleasing.
So women, what I'm doing with them is, I'm saying I want to work on the self esteem. And then when you get their self esteem aligned and functioning, let me tell you how confidence and their abundance goes in. I have women that have come in. It has taken them 10 years to get to a 15 million turnover, which sounds like wild and a lot. It took us seven and a half years to get them from 15 million to 52 million.
15 to 52.
When you fix self esteem for a woman, you are fixing every single thing around her and how she feels about herself. And then she becomes unstoppable and unmissable.
[00:29:16] Speaker B: Yes.
Yeah, that, that, yes. That makes you think of so, so many things come up for me. Of.
Right. Right before I turned 30, the pandemic hit. So that my birthday's in March. So around January, I went through like a really big breakup. At that time, I'm 29, thinking about, you know, do I want to get married, do I want to have kids, like very single, but like now's my time, like to actually think about it. And so I did a lot of work on myself. Like, who am I out of if I get rid of everybody I knew tomorrow, who am I? Yeah, what do I bring? What kind of person am I? What, like, what are my personal Beliefs and pillars and missions. And, like, I looked at myself like a business, like, who am I?
And then, like, had questions like, folks who were adopted or single parents, like, just did a lot of research. And then, like, these last couple of years, I started my own business and doing all these different things. And I have friends who are like, how can you just do with things? I'm like, well, I was taught by my family, like, you are allowed to be anywhere you want to be.
And so then I look at women who are taught to play it so small and be apologetic and not to be too much.
And I'm like. I was like, I think the freedom that I feel a lot of the time, which I don't know if people will get, like, as a black woman. Woman who's already.
Society has already told me I'm going to be too much. Like, I might as well be too much. Like, if you're already not going to like me, at least I get to like myself. Right.
[00:30:38] Speaker C: Freedom in somebody trying to dismiss from the beginning, you may as well have fun.
[00:30:43] Speaker B: Yes. And like, to not care about the male gaze and to. And to just exist and to be unapologetic as a director and to have told bosses who are like, you're not ready. I'm like, actually, I've, like, saved this company, so I know I'm ready. You just think if you tell me that I'm gonna internalize it and believe it, I'll just leave. Like, I'll just go. And everyone's like, you're just gonna. I was like, yes. I'm not gonna stay anywhere where I'm tolerated and not celebrated and not supported and told to be quiet and sit in these rooms and just smile. And I'm like, that's. I'm not here to be your token. I'm not here to be, you know, the. The quote. Good one. That's not me.
Yeah. I'm like, I'm not. Don't. I'm not wallpaper. I'm here to do things and get things done. And, you know, it's been interesting to be at jobs. Like, I need you all to understand I'm not here to be liked. No, if you do, great. If you don't, also great. Like, I'm here to do a job and do it well, and I will do it well, and that's all I can do for you right now. And so you. You saying this like, I'm just sitting here and taking inventory of all of my women friends who are such badass women, and then date Shitty men or have crappy bosses or feel so, like, who are not confident because that's what society and men tell us. And to still be doing things for, for partnership or to find someone. I'm like, you guys, I've gotten to a point, I'm almost 36. I was like, if I'm single the rest of my life, I am truly, honestly happy where I am. And if I find a partner, great go. But I'm not hanging my hat on partnership, which I think is what women are still taught. Like, you are supposed to, supposed to air quotes, get married, have kids, all these things. Like. But I've absolved myself of that. Like, my, my job in life for me is to be happy. And I think of Glennon Doyle's book Untamed. She's like, if your job is to disappoint everyone but yourself, absolutely.
And like, I think about the people pleasing and those sort of people, and it breaks my heart because I'm like, you are going to go through your whole life trying to make everybody else happy but yourself. For what?
[00:32:44] Speaker C: And also, who's the most important person in your life? It has to be you.
[00:32:47] Speaker B: It has to be you.
[00:32:48] Speaker C: But the only time you find that out is in perimenopause.
Perimenopause. Nature is a feminist perimenopause, babe, let me tell you, perimenopause is when nature comes out to play and says, bish, you best believe it's your job to find your solution. The only way you're going to do it is by putting yourself first. And you're just like, oh, my God, no one told me it's the funniest.
[00:33:13] Speaker B: Thing in the world. Yes. And I think. And I, I truly. And I also have read. If you haven't read Shonda Rhimes year of yes. That book also changed my brain chemistry of like, how she said yes to everything that was scared had scared her.
[00:33:25] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I do that naturally, though. So I kind of looked at. I live like this. Let's move on.
[00:33:29] Speaker B: But I think it was so interesting to me, like, as a person who, like, for her, like sort of having all this access and as a mom and all these things, I'm like. And she was still so petrified. I'm like.
But like you're saying it's like this whole, this thing we are taught and hold for so long. And you know, I'm, I'm a person who loves a memoir, so I love people's stories. And so like, you're saying perimenopause I'm like, I think, like, for me, and like, maybe even my whole generation, like, the pandemic in this current financial situation in our country, We've been like, why are we waiting?
Why are we waiting?
[00:34:00] Speaker C: And for what?
[00:34:00] Speaker B: And for what?
And I'm like, yeah, like, I have watched too many friends be with men, specifically spouses, who then get married. I'm like, do you two even like each other? Like, was this.
[00:34:14] Speaker C: But, you know, get married. I'm meeting these women who they hit, whatever it was, 45 and 50, and then they run off with a woman. I'm like, when I grow up, can I do that?
[00:34:22] Speaker B: You sure can. Why wait? You could do it now.
[00:34:25] Speaker C: I want one of those, because that's what I'm looking for. There's a really good phrase that I taught myself in 2019 because I went through a really, really difficult, bad period in terms of politics. And I was like, okay, I can never go back to this. And it was. I was widely. And. And it was so much of it. They took one kernel of truth and made this into a story and fight it.
[00:34:48] Speaker B: Right?
[00:34:49] Speaker C: And I remember and I said to myself, I promise, every time I'm speaking in public and I was on TV or on radio or whatever, two, three times a week, every single week, I'm gonna say I'm a very powerful woman. And I really like that about myself.
And so I started saying that in 2019. And of course, because the universe has a wild sense of humor.
[00:35:11] Speaker B: Sure does.
[00:35:12] Speaker C: First gig I got booked to speak in was an all male tech conference.
[00:35:16] Speaker B: And I was like, of course.
[00:35:18] Speaker C: Seriously, like, you couldn't just give me one soft kind of what no universe said.
[00:35:23] Speaker B: If you really believe I'm a test.
[00:35:25] Speaker C: You hold my be. So I was like, oh. And I have done that. So I invite you to repeat it. I'm a very powerful woman, and I like that about myself.
[00:35:35] Speaker B: I do go for it. I'm a very powerful woman, and I like that about myself.
[00:35:41] Speaker C: Right.
And now go into rooms of women and I get them to say it. And by the time they say the first time, their voice is cracked the second. Yours has been beautiful.
[00:35:50] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:35:51] Speaker C: By the third time, they're, like, really leaning into it. So if you're listening, I want you to say that to yourself again and again and again. And tag me when you then on. On anything where you've done that.
[00:36:04] Speaker B: Yeah. I just think about how freeing, like we talked, like, the freeing of it and to. To free yourself and to not ask for permission for things like. And Like I told you, I moved away for the first time when I was 26 and came out and like, was able to just like, have this whole battle with authenticity because I grew up as a people pleaser. Like, I was like, I need to play it small and make my family happy. And these are the.
And these are the. And then I woke up like, but why?
[00:36:31] Speaker C: Like, who, who says and who's watching and what for? Yeah, screw it.
[00:36:37] Speaker B: Yeah. And to be able to, I hope, model that for my friends and people who listen to this or who are who I'm connected to. I'm just like, I just want all of us to experience that and to challenge things and to challenge ourselves. Like, why are we so afraid of failure?
[00:36:52] Speaker C: Well, because I think it's visceral. I think it's, you know, that I have a lot of sympathy for because being afraid, especially as a woman, is inculcated into your DNA. I think because of the way we've been treated. So I have a lot of respect for being afraid, but I think you should do it anyway.
That's how I feel. I'm constantly scared shitless. Like, I did this TED Talk. I absolutely promise you I'm not watching it for a year. I did a Netflix. Oh no, I did a Netflix show. It took me seven years to watch the damn thing. I'm like, I'm. I'm terrified. I look at this thing. I'm a fragile friggin flower. Leave me alone.
I absolutely find these things terrifying. It doesn't stop me doing any of it. Yeah, I do all of the above. But oh my word, does it terrify me. So I'm not afraid of being afraid. Yes, I'm, I. I will never let the fear stop me.
[00:37:37] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah, well, I spoke at the Women's March in Austin and was a bunch of people, my friends, like, how do you do that? And I was like, the worst I could do is mess up. I go, but they won't really know. I'm like, I'm like. And also, it's easy for a person in the crowd to say that. I'm like, they're not where I am. Like, that is so easy to judge someone when you're not the one on stage. I was like. And that's like. I was like, we could just do it. And if I mess up, I mess up. And I know I messed up, but nothing is permanent. We'll move along. Life will continue. The world would not stop spinning because I messed up at a speech. No, but I think about too, of like Being.
Being a woman, a woman of color who was queer, who was raised very religious, who, like, is more spiritual now and just. Just knowing that, and I feel now, having met you, like, what that does for women in general, to be able to see folks like that who look like them or who they can identify with who. Then you see someone, and that gives you permission. Like, you. Like the saying goes, like, you can't. If you can't, you don't think you can be it till you see it. And I'm like, well, that. What does that do for, like, this next generation? And. And for me, primarily watching. I work at a charter high school that's, like, focused on environmentalism and social justice work.
And watching those students every day, I'm like, oh, the kids are. The kids are ready. Ready and raring and. And to watch them every day be so brave and overcome their fears or look their fears in the eye and still do it and speak on, like, councils and universities in high school and be like, this is what we need to be focused on. And I'm like, hell yeah, kid. Like, especially the girls who do. I'm making. Hell yeah, dude. Like, you are gonna be a force.
Yeah. And so that just. That always just gets me, too.
[00:39:21] Speaker C: And I think also that's part of our job, isn't it, Doing. Making the world as. Because our lives are. I mean, I'm a different age to you, but my life is so different to my mother's life that there was no space for. There was no bridge of understanding.
Kind of like, she's like, why are you doing that? Like, okay, your husband's this. But why would you leave him? And, you know all this stuff? And I'm like, because he's an. I'm like, really? You know, and she's like, that's okay. They are meant to be. Sometimes you're meant to stay through that. And I'm like, I don't think so. I think I'll just do my version. And I. I always thought that I wanted to create the biggest platform that I could so that when girls came and women came, they could look at it and pick what they wanted from it.
The things that served them and suited them, and not touch the things that don't.
[00:40:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yeah. Sort of choose your own adventure.
[00:40:13] Speaker C: Build a bear.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I. I just.
I. I just think back all the way back to the beginning of, like, the amount of, like, trust and belief I have in women. But, like, we're taught, like, you're saying you're taught so often to, like, hold Back. And I'm like, what would it look like if we didn't like.
And I think, I think the only way I can equate to that is like, I'm truly usually like the very single friend and like watching my friends all get married and then like, being like, wow, like, what's it like to be like, single and just like, do things and not have kids? I'm like, I. I was like you. We just chose the different things. And there's no shame in that. I go, but I was like, my biggest thing always in life right now is like, I read something. I was like, you, the only person in your parent, in your family, you get to pick is your spouse. So pick a good one. And so I get very big about.
[00:41:04] Speaker C: Yes, just pick stupid ones and then leave them.
[00:41:07] Speaker B: Yeah. And like, so watching friends who have married men, women, whoever, who they aren't politically aligned with, who have different beliefs than them, who will do all these, these things, I'm like, or like, their in laws are terrible. I'm like, why did would you pick this? And like, they can. Well, I was in love. I'm like, that's fine. I'm like, take the love out of it. What? What is it? I was like, that was a choice. You made a choice like, and I believe things, like you said, things can be undone. Divorce exists, if that's what you want to do, and go, but the fear and hearing so many women in my life now like, I'm afraid to get divorced. What does that mean if I get divorced? I'm so young and I'm like, yeah. And I'm like, I. I obviously don't know what that is like, but I'm empathetic. I go, but what on the other side is like, what is the fear of your life looking like for the rest of your life?
Like, you had to pick your heart sometimes and like, like, that's not me being flippant. I'm like, if you come to me and ask me, I'm going to ask the hard questions.
And so I think I just, it's just making me think about that of like, what are we, what are we doing to support and encourage women in all, all aspects of, of facing fears and overcoming and those sort of endeavors.
[00:42:09] Speaker C: But, well, this is the best that we can do.
[00:42:14] Speaker B: I guess I just want to save us all. I just feel like we are all so fantastic. I don't believe there's anything a woman can't do. And I'm like, this is how we do it.
[00:42:24] Speaker C: Thank you so much for having me.
[00:42:27] Speaker B: Oh, no. Thank you for coming on. You are welcome back anytime. The. The door is always open.
Please send me the TED Talk. I'm going to go watch it.
[00:42:37] Speaker C: I emailed it to you.
[00:42:38] Speaker B: And the Netflix special too, because I like. Not that one. You're doing a little too much.
I'll be sure to link everything in the show notes, but at the end of every episode I ask a sort of like palate cleanser question.
And the question is it's a two part. So you get to decide which part.
What is the best advice you were ever given or what's a piece of advice you'd give to your younger self.
[00:43:04] Speaker C: The thing that I've. I've always said two things. One is that change is inevitable and suffering is optional.
You know, because I'm a nice little cancerian baby and I hate change. I'm like, are you gonna do it?
[00:43:17] Speaker B: Oh, no, let me stay.
[00:43:18] Speaker C: And I had to teach myself how to manage change, how to constantly pivot. So I wasn't attached to the thing, but I was attached to me. And so the change was irrelevant. You know, that was so hard for me.
And so that was the first thing that took me through a fair amount. And then the next thing that I believe is that if you can dream it or think it, you can absolutely make it happen. Nothing is given to us to imagine that we cannot create.
[00:43:49] Speaker B: I will be taking that advice today. Thank you so much.
[00:43:52] Speaker C: You are very welcome. Thank you for having me.
[00:43:56] Speaker B: That's it for this week's episode of the Tea with Bri. Be sure to follow the podcast on Instagram hea with Bri. Send me an email at theteawithbreemail.com or visit the website thetoothbreepodcast.com youm can find me your host, Brianna Jenkins on Instagram at Brianna Jenkins. Don't forget to rate, review and follow on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. A special thanks to Mama Duke for our theme music and I will catch you next time. Bye.
