[00:00:03] Speaker A: Team with Bree.
I'm trying to live my life? I just need space to grow? I'm just trying to make it right? These people won't let me go? I'm just trying to live my life? I just need space to grow? I'm just trying to make it right? These people won't let me go? Let me grow? Let me go? Let me grow, let me go? They should know, they should know they should know, they should know? I'm just trying to live my life? I just need space to grow? I'm just trying to make it right? People won't let me go?
[00:00:51] Speaker B: Welcome to the tea with Brie. I'm your host, Bri. Thanks for listening. The tea with Brie podcast is focused on deep, honest, and vulnerable conversation. Each week, I sit down with a different guest in order to have those conversations. Every week, we'll start my guest's bio, an intro to how we know each other, and then we'll go into a deep dive conversation about whatever topic they brought to me that week. This week, I am joined by my guest, Mace Kerwick. Mace Kerwick is an independent filmmaker and comedian based out of his hometown of Austin, Texas. For the last seven years, he's hosted the popular live variety show and podcast Queertown, which was recently nominated for best podcast in the Austin Chronicle. Best of Austin's readers poll. Hello. Also, what a flex.
[00:01:32] Speaker C: Yeah, it was very unexpected, and I'm very jealous. Just honored to have been up there with so many great other podcasts.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: I wouldn't know, because I'm just. I'm nothing to these people. Chopped liver. It's fine. No, I'm really. I'm really excited for you guys. Queer town is great. If you ever listen to queer town, give it a. Give her a little listen. Rue, I want to come back to Queertown. That was so fun.
[00:01:57] Speaker C: You need to come back. You know, we actually tried to have you back, and then you reasonably were like, I'm not having a good day. Like, this is not the time for me to come back to queer town.
[00:02:09] Speaker B: Yeah, listen, your girls had a lot of mental gymnastics. We'll say. But I'm running now. I'm fun employed right now.
My schedule is open.
Do with that information what you will.
[00:02:24] Speaker C: Hmm.
Seems like. I mean, we do have some fall episodes coming up, so that could be very fun to tell.
[00:02:31] Speaker B: Fall, please. We just talked about the weather. Don't trigger me. Fall's a lie. In Austin, I'm, like, unwell about this heat. Fucking almost 100 degrees in September.
Anyway, hi. How I'm so happy to have you. We've been trying to make this happen for a minute now. It feels like.
I'm honored is what I'm saying.
[00:02:51] Speaker C: Thank you. I'm honored to be here. I love this show. I love you. And it's great to get to dive into something together.
[00:03:00] Speaker B: I was also cracking up when you text me yesterday or Thursday about Thursday episode, you're like, oh, my God, this and that. And I'm like, oh, yes.
[00:03:09] Speaker C: Yeah. I love how you did some, like, pretty casual life updates via your podcast. It really felt like, okay, fans at home, if you really want to know, know the tea with Brie. You need to listen to the tea with Brie.
[00:03:22] Speaker B: This is what I'm trying to tell people. You want the in? Cause I feel like online, like I'm a sharer on the things I want to deeply share in, but then there's something like I just want to do on the pod. I want to be audio only. I don't want you to see my face when I tell you these things. Here you go. So I always laugh when I have friends who are like, wait, what? And I'm like, you just never know what to expect with me. You know, she's a. She's an enigma.
[00:03:44] Speaker C: Okay, well, and there's something very fascinating about that. I don't think that we have a lot of that here in central Texas. And it's nice to, like, know someone who truly embodies main character energy.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: I am nothing if not dramatic and who loves to stir the pot. And, you know, I'm a theater kid at heart. I have to, you know, I have to draw the kids in. I gotta get them interested, you know? So it's really. It's very much like if you know, you know, which I feel like the podcast is my version of, like, if you know, you know, like, if you're not listening to the podcast, you don't know that I'm, like, preparing to move away because I haven't posted about it. So you don't know about my dating air quotes, dating drama, my romance drama. Because I don't want 8000 random people knowing that shit. But if you're one of my listeners, you get to know that. Thank you so much for let's nourish friends, loyal fans.
[00:04:43] Speaker C: You are rewarded.
[00:04:44] Speaker B: Exactly. Wow. Thank you. Thank you for knowing the vibes.
[00:04:50] Speaker C: I mean, I get it. I have my own podcast and listen.
[00:04:53] Speaker B: Which again, a party. A party palace is queer town. I also want to thank you. You're welcome. I also want to point out that I typically never drink on the show.
But in the last two weeks, Alex, and then now you, the two gay men I invite, I'm like, are we gonna drink? And I'm like, sure.
My people have asked me a question. Who am I to deny? They're, you know, they're required.
[00:05:18] Speaker C: We are safely seated at home. We are.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: I have no plans to, like, sipping.
[00:05:23] Speaker C: A beverage I have no plans for. I think it's only gonna make for, yeah, a better episode.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: I couldn't agree more. I'm just. I just found it so funny.
[00:05:32] Speaker C: Cheers, queer.
[00:05:33] Speaker B: Cheers. Prost. I just was like, so. It was so funny because you and I, like, gently walked away from our computers, got a beverage. Alex, last time, sat down with wine, and halfway through, like, ten minutes in, he goes, so you're not gonna drink? I was like, oh, so sorry. Like, I had to put everything down. Like, so it's an ASMR moment in the podcast. Like, you're just hearing me running across my apartment to get the wine out of my fridge, open the wine. It was a whole thing.
[00:06:00] Speaker C: Anyway, so the very first episode of Queer Town, when Laura and I were sitting down with each other, I tried to open a bottle of wine, and I ended up, like, messing up, and the cork broke. And you have this whole audio adventure of us trying to, like, pull this remaining piece of cork out of there. And then, of course, some got in the wine, and it was a whole ASMR experience.
[00:06:25] Speaker B: Fiber.
Listen, kids, you gotta do what you gotta do for the beverage, okay? And I, you know, I like the tea with bray. You can have a water. You can have a tea. You can have an alcoholic beverage. There's no rules here.
[00:06:36] Speaker C: Yeah, you'd have a chocolate milkshake if you wanted to.
[00:06:40] Speaker B: A cherry limeade from Sonic. Oh, I have one the other day. I do diet. Not because it's diet, because it's less sweet.
Top tier. Highly recommend. If y'all haven't done a diet cherry limead at Sonic in a while with the ice.
[00:06:54] Speaker C: You know, I feel like all the Sonics in Austin tragically closed. Like, there was this period where it was just, like, one after another.
[00:07:03] Speaker B: There's the one on Cameron. Is it Cameron or Berkman? Then there's one literally on the corner from where I live. There's one riverside in Montopolis. There's one. Right?
[00:07:14] Speaker C: Ooh, okay.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: Mm hmm. So if you see me on Sonic. No, you didn't. But if you do, always get the moodsticks, extra marinara. Cause they try to be cheap. And then a cherry limeade during happy hour. You can get a large, like. Anyway, just you, not a Sonic podcast. But it could be, Sonic.
[00:07:34] Speaker C: It could be. Yeah. Sonic.
[00:07:35] Speaker B: I am now doing ad Sonic, so if you would like to, you know, be in here with a little ad break, you can pay me mozzarella strings at this point.
[00:07:46] Speaker C: Sonic, Sonic, Sonic.
[00:07:50] Speaker B: Just me with a. I don't know why. That's the sound of a trail I made, but welcome to summer. Like, you're welcome. The ad writes itself. Sonic.
Anywho, we're not here to talk about Sonic. We are here because we are friends in our thirties and you had this great topic of, like, talking about, like, rewriting goals for yourself, being less afraid to do things alone now that you're in your thirties. Cause you're 32. I'm 34. And I just feel like so far, I think the thirties have been my best decade, and I still. The pandemic really fucked me up. And people are like, how old are you? I'm 34. Like, I have to remember.
[00:08:31] Speaker C: Oh, totally.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: Those four years. But, yeah, like, what has come? Like, what made you pick this? What are you looking forward to? How has your two years into your thirties been so far? Like, all the hot gossip.
[00:08:43] Speaker C: Oh, bree. Oh, gosh. How is this moment going for me? I feel like that's been the big question this year.
So, yeah, like, you, the pandemic definitely threw, like, a weird sort of curveball into my life as a filmmaker and as someone who makes most of his money producing branded content. You know, the last four years of my life have really oscillated wildly. And when the pandemic started, I was an in house producer for a tech company, and then I left that, and I became a freelance producer, and then I was working at an advertising agency, and then I went back to doing freelance. And now, as of a few days ago, I've started a contract gig with a small production company here in town that I will be working with for the next few months. And I mention all of that because there is very little certainty in production right now. And I'm also a comedian, and I feel like comedy venues in town were really impacted by the pandemic. And that was part of the reason why we launched Queertown's podcast, is because we just weren't doing as many live shows. And also I wanted to use that show to look at, you know, harder conversations that you can't really host on stage with, you know, a variety show that is comedic in nature.
But then there's also been other things where I feel like all of these changes have caused me to really look inwards and to really ask myself some hard questions about who I am and what it is that I want. And one of the big things that I realized is that a lot of my goals were being contextualized within group projects. And part of that is because production, comedy, theater, all these things that I do are inherently communal in nature, right? Takes quite a few people to, like, get a camera set up and get lights and mics and all of that. But I realized that I was padding a lot of things, and I wasn't necessarily allowing myself to pursue something that was really personally driven. And it's been interesting, sort of scratching that itch and sort of seeing what it could look like for me as an individual to pursue something that is truly all about Mace Kerwick.
[00:11:16] Speaker B: That's the podcast I want. All about Mace Kirkwick.
What are the updates, if you know? Again, if you know, you know.
[00:11:24] Speaker C: If you know, you know. Yeah.
[00:11:25] Speaker B: Yeah. Cause Queertown's about to be seven.
[00:11:30] Speaker C: Which is kind of crazy wild. I created that show with my really good friends Javier Ungo and Laura de la Fuente when I was 25, and it really felt like something where I had been doing comedy for a few years, but I was still finding my place in the world, right? And I didn't really know my comedic voice. I didn't really know how I fit into the bigger Austin scene. And I feel like I was more comfortable developing Queer town as a brand than I was at developing Mace Kerwick as a brand. And through the process of putting together monthly shows, of booking guests, of putting together marketing things, I think slowly over time, I started to figure out who I was.
And a few years after Queertown launched, I co wrote a play. And that felt like a really big, seismic endeavor. But I was still afraid to write on my own. I was still afraid to go out and do things that I really had to stand on my own. 2ft and I love collaborating with other people. But as I'm getting older, I'm definitely realizing the benefit of keeping an idea close to myself for a while and really letting it nurture and develop and become something that speaks to my own style and taste and is reflective of a story that I want to see out there.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: You saying that part about your podcast being your brand while you figured out your own self brand is. I feel that deeply. You and I were just talking about this of like, I feel like my podcast who just, she'll be six in December. Well, October but she came out in December. Of the amount of growth I've been able to have as a person behind the mic and the fact that it is still mostly just an audio medium of, like, sure, I do, like, some videos here and there as teasers, but for the most part, it's still mostly audio. And so you and I were talking about, like, the episode I just dropped of my little monthly updates of, you know, in Instagram and, you know, being on social media and, like, people making their lives, their brand. I'm like, there are things I'm willing to share on Instagram, but, like, the big things that I haven't put onto the world yet, I kind of share here first. So it is that, like, exclusive, like, if, you know, you know, like, if you are listening and have been paying attention, because, like I said to you, like, social media doesn't know that I'm moving yet, but the podcast listeners do.
And so I think about that, too, like this. And, like, I grew up as a public speaker. I had done a bunch of, like, activism work, and I growing up there on the stage in that way, but sharing stories and having conversations that have been unscripted and unplanned and being able to kind of roll with the punches was really sort of my improv life kind of started here, I guess, as a way to really assess of who am I, what do I want to share, and specifically highlighting stories and conversations that I fear or feel like aren't centered a lot of the time. So I just.
That rings true. Especially, like, I was 29 when I started my show, because I'm about to be 34. No, I am 34. I'm about to be 35.
And I just think about that, too, like, how much this show has changed me and how, like you're saying to the pandemic, there was a lot of shifts. Like, I went to online recording when I used to be in person, and really, truly learning how to figure out how to do all this stuff on my own just taught me a new sense of ownership and security in a way that I don't think I would have had to do if I stayed where I was. So, yes.
[00:15:20] Speaker C: Yeah, there's a nuance to it, right? Because doing things alone is terrifying. And one of the big things that I have really been pursuing is singing. So I grew up in musical theater, and I think I was overtrained as a vocalist. And it really has been the last year of my life where I've gone back and I'm taking voice lessons again, and I'm actively looking to be booked on other people's shows as a guest musician, it's so exciting, but it's required a lot of work, and it's required a discipline that what I usually do as a comedian doesn't necessarily require a.
And I just did the gay agenda's best in show, which was more than a dog show. That's sort of the phrase that they had for it. And so I played the role of a lovesick hamster, and I sang Taylor the latte boy, which is like a 20 year old song that Kristin Chenoweth popularized back in the day. And it was so goofy. Uh, and it was something that, honestly, I kind of messed up on the first night, and I made a joke about it, and I, like, won the audience over, and they laughed. And then when I got back on cue, they all applauded really loudly, which was amazing. And then night two, I actually nailed it from start to finish, but it required so much practice, and it required so much commitment, and I, having gone through that, now I'm definitely reflecting on, oh, yeah. Like, there's a reason why it felt safer to be in group endeavors, why things like that have maybe felt easier to approach.
But there is something so fascinating about being able to, you know, oversee that four minute song and have it go the way that I want it to. And I, you know, get a standing o from a few people in the audience also.
[00:17:31] Speaker B: It was nerves. You're a professional. You're just, you know, it was your first time out there.
Not mace the musician. Tm.
[00:17:39] Speaker C: Yes. Somehow there is yet another hat that I can wear, but it's something that, like, you know, like, Javi and Laura and, you know, now Charlie and Kristen and everyone else part of the queer town team, that's not their goal. And, you know, a lot of the other shows that I do, you know, singing isn't part of it. That's really something that is coming from within. And I have terrible stage fright about singing. Like, it is truly.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: Okay, we'll have to go to karaoke. I'm telling you, it changes everything.
[00:18:08] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: That's like. That's how I got. That's how you suit over. My stage fright is like, I just made myself go to karaoke every day. Like, every day. Like, I would go, if not, at minimum, three times a week, because I was like, I need to just, like, get over this. And I think, for me, it was always easier to sing a song than I knew, than to, like, do a speech first. So that was how I got out of it. And I think it's just like being. Like having. Just having people watch you gets you out of it, too. So, anyway, that'd be my recommendation, is just to do more karaoke. It helps.
[00:18:39] Speaker C: You know, I actually started working with my vocal coach on songs that I could sing at karaoke, but I've been so shy about it that I haven't sung most of them.
[00:18:49] Speaker B: We're going. We're going. We're going.
[00:18:52] Speaker C: That's the main takeaway.
[00:18:53] Speaker B: We're going. I cannot. I haven't gone to karaoke in years at this point.
[00:18:58] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Okay.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: I used to go all the time. I mean, pre pandemic, and then I've gone maybe once or twice since, but I used to go at least three times a week, and I miss it. I miss the vibe. Especially if egos is gonna close, which I can't even talk about.
[00:19:13] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. That's very tragic.
[00:19:15] Speaker B: I'm like, you guys.
[00:19:16] Speaker C: You know, the funny thing, Bree, is that I was going on a few dates with this guy last summer around the time that I started taking these voice lessons, and somehow it came up that, you know, I was doing these voice lessons, and he goes, oh, I just really struggle with watching people sing in public, because sometimes it is just so excruciatingly uncomfortable. And I was like, don't say that, sir.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: I'm trying to be a professional.
Okay, now you're fine. Yes. You hit a button. So you glitched my people, but they're like, we started a new recording track. It's fine. Don't touch anything. You're fired.
[00:19:57] Speaker C: You know, there's a reason why I am a comedian. Like, I swear.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: Not a tech person. Not a tech person.
[00:20:03] Speaker C: It follows me.
[00:20:04] Speaker B: Yeah, listen. Never a dull moment over here, everybody. This is what happens when you record live, okay?
[00:20:09] Speaker C: And this is why it is scary sometimes to do things on your own. Like, I got into comedy, I got into filmmaking, and then somehow, people were like, oh, you understand technology because you own it? I'm like, actually, that's where you're wrong.
[00:20:26] Speaker B: That's a lot.
[00:20:26] Speaker C: This might be in my house, but do not expect that I know how to turn this on. Do not expect that I.
Even though I've watched, like, five YouTube tutorials, I don't know how to work this thing.
[00:20:37] Speaker B: This is why I've had the same microphone set up since 2020. I'm like, no, I found one that worked. I got a backup drive to put everything on, and this is it. Like, I don't.
Yeah, you always want. I always want the one that you have that comes out, and I'm like, I I don't. It's like a spaceship to me. I know how to do that. Like, when I switched from zoom to Riverside, I was like, I'm a grown up. Like, I've done it. But it's because Riverside was literally click three buttons, and you're. Am I great.
Perfect.
[00:21:10] Speaker C: Well, when we've got the, you know, remote setup going on.
Yeah. You can't see this, but I have two cats who you are allergic to, who I love.
[00:21:21] Speaker B: I love cats. I just happen to be allergic to.
[00:21:23] Speaker C: Them, which is so unfortunate.
[00:21:25] Speaker B: I just take a Benadryl and hope for the best, because I can't not pet a cat if it's near me.
[00:21:29] Speaker C: Anyway, my cats are, like, passed out around me right now. It's very.
[00:21:33] Speaker B: Tell your cat's names because they're very important.
[00:21:35] Speaker C: Okay, so my cats are named after award shows.
To be fair, they are from the same litter. And Emmy came as Emmy Lou, like, Emmy Lou Harris, and Oscar, for whatever reason, was named musty, which felt derogatory.
It just felt like, this is the cat that kind of sucks and, like, low key. He kind of does.
[00:22:02] Speaker B: He doesn't. He just has diva energy. I will not take this. I am an Oscar apologist.
[00:22:09] Speaker C: You know, that's fair. That's fair.
He's just very opinionated.
[00:22:14] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:22:14] Speaker C: And there's not an issue with that. But sometimes he only weighs nine pounds, and sometimes it's like your emotions outweigh your physical mass.
[00:22:27] Speaker B: He has big feelings. Okay.
[00:22:30] Speaker C: Big feelings for a little guy.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:22:32] Speaker C: Mace Kerwick story.
[00:22:34] Speaker B: That is your memoir.
Yikes.
[00:22:36] Speaker C: Yeah. I don't know who's reading that one.
[00:22:38] Speaker B: Me.
And I want to read the audio.
I know that usually the author reads it. Can I read the audio book?
[00:22:45] Speaker C: Honestly? Yes.
[00:22:47] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:22:47] Speaker C: I think that would really help with our book sales.
[00:22:50] Speaker B: Listen, you had to change it up for the people. Okay, so now that you're 32, doing more things alone, getting out into the world, like, what? In the last two years, aside from what you've already mentioned, what are the. Like, what are the big things that you've done that scared you and you did anyway, or what are things you want to do? And if you need a minute to think, I can go first.
[00:23:14] Speaker C: Ooh, yeah, you go first, and then I'll chime in.
[00:23:19] Speaker B: Recently quitting my job with nothing else lined up, just because my mental health was really suffering at this last job. So I was like, it's not worth it enough to me to stay here.
So, luckily, I've gone back into consulting, and I have one or two clients right now which are gonna help me float until I find something permanent. I'm having some interviews with some jobs in the northeast that I told you about earlier and then moving. Thank you. Thank you. And then constantly moving. I think everyone is sick of the fact that I keep moving, so I don't know where I want to actually live, which is, you know, life. I'm like, listen, if other people can get, like, married and divorced and have, like, ten kids, I can move every year if I would like to. I'm not harming anybody.
So, yeah, moving is one I think that I've done, especially now. You know, I'm torn between if I move back to Connecticut, which is where I'm from, which my family is, or I'm kind of leaning towards Boston this week. It changes week to week. This week, I'm leaning more towards Boston, mostly because it's a city that I. That has all the major sports teams that I love that would afford me to not have to have a car if I don't want to.
So, yeah, I just. I'm just always like, you get one life, why not throw it at, you know, go full throttle? And then dating? I think me deciding not to date until I feel like I'm in the right place, and that's, like, not mentally, that's truly physically. Like, I just like, dating an. Austin is a fucking cluster, and I hate the apps and I hate. You know, I went out last night for me, and I had cat had their 20th anniversary. Happy birthday to them.
And there's this gorgeous bartender. Like, unreal. I left my number. We'll see if he texts.
I know. We'll report back, but, like, I want, like, an in person meet cute situation, because I just feel like the absurd bullshit. And I'm like, I don't want a pen pal. Let's go out. Let's do things. I'm fun. I hope you're fun. Let's go. But I think really taking the, like, I have not gone on a date since 2021.
[00:25:33] Speaker C: Wait, what?
[00:25:34] Speaker B: I've not gone on a date since I.
[00:25:36] Speaker C: How is that possible?
[00:25:37] Speaker B: I don't go on dates. I think everyone is boring.
Okay, so until you, like, win me over, and that's not me on a high horse, I'm just like. I have gotten to the point in my life of, like, a lot of girls. Like, we're taught so often to, like, make ourselves smaller. Does he like you? And I'm like, no, no, no. Switch that shit around. I am fun. Can I meet another fun person who I want to do fun things with? And so often I'm just like. I mean, a lot of men, people who are boring, and I'm like, I have friends I can hang out with and, like, spend time with, so I'm not in the apps. No one really, like, asks me out in person, so I don't go on dates. So it's like.
But when I'm home in Connecticut, I, like, clean up. Let me tell you. I get asked on date all the time.
[00:26:21] Speaker C: Wow. I do feel like that's a very unfortunate aspect of Austin these days. Like, when I go out on Fourth street or even just indie concert or a space where I know a bunch of people there.
No one comes up to me that I don't know. You know, no one is being like, hey, who's this cutie? And, like, can I get to know you? Do you want a drink? That has not happened for me since the pandemic. And it's very odd to me that Austin is sort of moving in that direction. And I feel like that has been, I don't know, like, we're both kind of navigating being single in this city. And I think there's, like, a weirdness around that that sometimes feels hard to articulate to people who have, like, been in relationships since 2020 and haven't had to, like, navigate the hell storm that is dating apps these days.
[00:27:28] Speaker B: Yes. All my friends who are married, like, I could never be single. That's not really helpful right now in this conversation. I get what you're saying, but they're like, God, for, like, me and my spouse got divorced. Like, I don't know if I could date on the apps and. Or live here. And I'm like, oh, no, no. Like, dating in Austin is, I get, I think, its own little cluster because I, like, I talk to friends who live in, like, other major cities, like New York, LA, where people, like, do talk and do that sort of stuff. But I don't know what it is about Austin. Like, but you know me. Like, I'll talk to a random stranger about anything for hours on end. Like, I have a friend who I met last year, and I went up to him and talked to him first because he was a six foot something black man alone on an event, and I was the only black girl there. I was like, what the fuck are you doing here? And so we just happened to, like, strike up a conversation, but I went to him like, we had looked each other across the room for a while to be free. He has a girlfriend, so I think he also just felt weird coming over. I was like, but I didn't know that. I was like, dude, whatever. But I mean, I'm the person. Like, I will always broach a conversation or, like, leave my number or, like, go up to. And I'm just like, people don't fucking do that, man. Like, I don't know. It's weird. I think it's so weird. Like, you're only gonna ever be this young. Like, what are you doing? You're wasting time. This could be it. And you're like, no. And I'm like, okay, sure, yeah.
[00:28:50] Speaker C: There is an interesting element that I feel like is at, like, the center of this conversation that you and I are having, wherever. Or old enough to be someone, but still young enough to potentially be someone else. And so that is deep.
It's a fascinating moment to find ourselves in. In life, because rarely do we get to author our own decisions, our own narratives. And, like, with what you're talking about with, you know, moving to a new city, looking for new jobs, I mean, yeah, there's a really exciting but also stressful aspect to that and to kind of echo what you were saying. Last year, I walked away from a full time creative producer role at an advertising agency because of my mental health, because of things that you were talking about, where it was a good fit for so many reasons, but it wasn't the right fit for me personally. And it's hard to advocate for ourselves in these ways that, you know, make us financially risky or threatened, the narrative of who we are and how successful we are with our lives. But I do think that we have to examine these things. And there's an interesting gift that we have as people in our thirties who get to question things from a place of knowledge instead of questioning them from a place of, oh, like, I understand this, but I haven't lived it yet.
[00:30:26] Speaker B: Yeah, and, like, the point you said, too, like, I think 30 is a really interesting time specifically right now, because we're millennials and thinking, you know, growing up in the late nineties, early two thousands, and, you know, the start of the Internet and, like, social media and all those things. I'm like, we know what it was like to not live online. Like, the way I romanticize a nineties life of, like, you had to call people on the phone. I miss it. Like, I miss being unreachable.
I miss voicemails. Oh, love a voicemail.
[00:30:59] Speaker C: I love a good voicemail.
[00:31:01] Speaker B: Every voicemail I get. I save.
[00:31:03] Speaker C: Yeah, there's something very, you know, human about it. And I think, especially with dating, like, call me. Like, let's talk. I don't just want to do text because I think text, for me, it feels impersonal. When you have the opportunity to adjust yourself, you can be more clever. You can approach things maybe more direct than you would if you were actually talking to someone. And, yeah, I think we have an interesting viewpoint of being aware of physical media and the role that that played in our lives and that we don't really have that now. I've actually been craving, like, reading off of physical paper, I think, because, you know, I started elementary school in, like, 97, I believe. And, you know, everything that I had would have been printed out or it would have been in a book or, you know, it would have been on paper, whatever it was. And that is absolutely how I understand and digest information best is by looking at it off of a sheet of paper.
[00:32:11] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, I think I was thinking about this the other day. My oldest nephew is 15, so he's a sophomore in high school.
And, like, everything is online now. Like, they still have books and everything, but, like, I think about, like, report cards. Like, I had to bring home a physical report card still back in my youth.
Or, like, I didn't have, like, I didn't have, like, my own laptop till I was a freshman in college. We had a family computer. Like, I just didn't need my own. So I just think I like the access to things. Like, I remember writing notes to friends because we didn't have cell phones. Like, I just remember all these different things, and I just feel like it's so such a lost art. Like, I've now been writing little notes on, like, postcards to stick in friends bags. Like, I have the rad women.
Rad american women. A to z postcards.
[00:33:03] Speaker C: How funny is that?
[00:33:04] Speaker B: Brave black first. And it's like, celebrating more than 50 african american women who changed the world. And so it's just like, I leave little postcards in people's bags because I'm just like, no one leaves notes anymore. Like, I love something handwritten, tangible, that you can, like, have and keep. Like, my grandmother, who I love, my nana, every time I see her, she gives me a card because she feels compelled to constantly give me money, which I'm like, I'm okay, but also will gladly take a little razzle dazzle.
Every time I see her, she gives me a card, and she's, like, so sweet about it. I'm like, edna Laverne you're a fucking gemdeh. But, yeah, I just feel like the now being in your thirties, and I think truly having the break as we talk about dating a friends, like, truly, half of my friends are married or partnered, and half are single. And I think it's the same sort of breakdown with kids. Like, either half of them have kids or half of them don't.
And so it's really, it was a thing in my thirties. When I turned 30, I had, like, a full sort of self evaluation of, like, I was nearly single. I was kind of in this existential crisis of, like, oh, my God, I'm 30, and I have nothing figured out yet. And do I want to have kids? Do I not want to have kids? Or I want to, like, did a lot of questioning, and it was the pandemic, so I had time to fucking sit and be alone. Yeah. And so I think it's that too, of, like, we get to now decide who we want to be more. I think that, like, we're saying times have just truly changed and too, like, to talk about that point of, like, sitting and being alone, which we want to talking about. Like, I have friends who are so afraid of sitting in silence, of being single, of being by them, like, living alone, being alone. And I'm like, how do you do one? It was a thing, like, my mom died when I was really young, and my dad and I have no relationships. Like, I kind of was, like, thrust upon me, and I found this level of independence that I don't think I would have gotten if my mom was still alive, which she would have. My mom was the oldest of five. Like, she was like, no, go be human. Um, but I just don't think enough people talk about that too. Like, I think there's always this negative connotation of, um, what's it called? Of co dependence. And as a person who's not really dependent, like, on the other side of that, like, the hyper vigilance side of being single too. Of, like, I've just gotten so picky now, which isn't a bad thing. I'm just like, I just don't see the need in settling, of trying to make myself smaller, of trying to, like, be a different person. Like, I was just talking to a friend. Like, girls want to still be the cool girl or the chill girl. I'm like, I have no chill. I'm from the northeast. I'm fucking honest. I don't have time for bullshit. What do you want to know? Like, time is money. Scoot, scoot, scoot. Like, I just don't see the need to, like, change myself as a person. But, like, you're saying, I am who I am now, but there's still room to grow in a way that I think would be beneficial to me. Sure. But I don't think who I am as a person needs to change. But if I need to be a better partner, that's a different conversation.
[00:36:09] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Those are completely different consideration sets. And one of the things that I've been kind of psychologically working through is, like, yeah, there's certain things about my life that I would like to change. Right. Like, I don't make as much money as I would like to. I'm not, you know, having sex as often as I would like to.
[00:36:28] Speaker B: When's the last time you had sex?
Cause I probably have you beat. But I'm always fascinated in this conversation. Cause my last friend and I talked about this in the last episode.
[00:36:39] Speaker C: Um, it's been a minute.
[00:36:42] Speaker B: Uh, and before or after December of last year?
[00:36:46] Speaker C: Uh, after.
[00:36:49] Speaker B: Okay, I'm December of last year. That's what I.
[00:36:53] Speaker C: So we are approaching the one year anniversary of breeze last year.
[00:36:57] Speaker B: Coming up on my celibacy journey of a year. Yeah.
[00:37:01] Speaker C: Yeah. I remember a few years ago when they updated the blood donor restrictions for men who have sex with men. And. Right. Previously, it was like, you can't do it. And then it was like, you could, but it had to be a year. And then I think they, like, removed it to, like, three months. And I'm like, yeah, like, not an issue. Don't need to.
[00:37:26] Speaker B: So good. Thank you, everybody.
[00:37:27] Speaker C: I'm not worried about that.
[00:37:31] Speaker B: Sorry. You were going. You were going somewhere, and I, like, I just had to know how?
[00:37:35] Speaker C: When?
[00:37:35] Speaker B: The last few minutes.
[00:37:36] Speaker C: No, that's. That's such a fair question.
I don't even know where I was going.
[00:37:40] Speaker B: Damn it. Sorry. Okay.
[00:37:42] Speaker C: No, no, no. It's. I know where I was going. So as I, like, look at my life, and as I have the ability to make changes and to try to adjust things or change or whatever it is, one thing that I've kind of landed on is I'm not going to discount or completely throw out the validity of the thousands of decisions that I've made that have brought me to this point. And I think it's really easy to do that on my hardest days where I'm like, God, why am I still encountering this one obstacle? Or why is this one thing still so difficult for me, even though I've done it a hundred times already and I've just kind of had to learn to sit with myself and, like, you know, that's just something that has a jagged edge for me, and it likely always will, but I'm still trying to approach it. I'm still trying to come back to it and figure out a way that I can work through it or work around it. And I think that's really tough. And I think we all have those touch points in our lives, and it's sort of up to us how we want to go about navigating them at the end of the day, because there's no, you know, collective, you know, requirement of, like, oh, by the time you turn 45, you need to have worked through these seven very difficult things.
[00:39:10] Speaker B: Imagine if there were, though. Wow.
[00:39:12] Speaker C: If that was the case, America would only have people in their thirties.
[00:39:18] Speaker B: Oh, my God. There's a book that I loved growing up that I need to reread. This isn't a plug for the book. I just. It's. Anyway, it's called uglies, and it's now becoming a Netflix series or a Netflix movie. And it's about, like, this dystopian moment of, like, when you turn 16, you, like, become pretty. Like, you go get plastic surgery and, like, live in the land of the pretties. Oh, it's like, yes. Anyway. But they're making it a movie on Netflix, which I need to see. But I also need to reread the book first.
But I think about that, like, what if there was, like, a land, like, you can't move on to, like, the other echelon of living until, like, you've gone to therapy for six years, because, like, that's a really big conversation. My therapist and I have. She's like, you can't date because you have done the work. Like, you are very aware of people's bullshit, even more than you were because you've been in therapy. I've been seeing Brittany for four years, let alone the therapy I did before her. Like, she's my longest therapist, but, yeah, I'm just always like.
It's like I have these little, like, notes in my brain of, like, I think when I was younger. Like, he. They have to be x amount of height, and, you know, can't chew their gum with their mouth. Like, all these, like, superficial things. And I'm like, no. How are you registered to vote? What are your beliefs? Are your. Is your family racist? Do you want, like, the deep questions and shit that I need to know that? I just feel, like. Also no shade, but I feel like, Austin still is, like, a very superficial city of, like, I think I feel like Austin's very, like, thin and white and athletic and straight hetero, and I'm just like, no. Like, I just.
That whole, like, keep Austin weird thing has left. I'm like, and I've been here eight years. I'm sure, you know, even before I got here. You're from here, right? Like, you grew up here. But, yeah, I just feel like it's lost its charm with me in that way of, like, I'll always come back and visit and see my friends who live here. I just don't know if it's a good fit for me anymore in a way that it was for newly 26, trying to figure out her life, was able to do a bunch of things here and grow as a person and is now in her thirties. And I'm like, maybe not. So, yeah, that was my little random.
[00:41:28] Speaker C: Tangent about, no, Austin's a tough city to age in, and I think that there's a lot of people that I am very good friends with who have moved out of Austin recently. And obviously, like, every city has various, you know, groups that you can get enmeshed in. But I think Austin has a lot of people who love having a great time, and I absolutely am one of those from time to time. But I also crave a bit more depth and nuance. And I think sometimes I want, you know, a bit of a quieter life than what I get to do here.
Or maybe it's just that I want things to feel less chaotic or tumultuous because I do feel like, in this weird way, keep Austin weird is sort of like, a self fulfilling prophecy of, like, there's people who hear that phrase and are like, oh, I could be more interesting, or I could shake things up a bit. And I think sometimes that leads to, I don't know, self disingenuous behavior.
[00:42:35] Speaker B: I think it's disingenuous. It could be disingenuous, yeah.
[00:42:39] Speaker C: At the end of the day, like, you don't always have to do interesting things to be an interesting person.
[00:42:45] Speaker B: Put on a t shirt. Thank you. So just about to say that, like, I've become such a homebody in, like, the last year and a half of, like, I. There are certain friends who, like, this year, I was like, okay, I'm down to clown. Like, if you ask me out. But then a certain window I'll go, because I have a routine, and I'm typically in bed at, like, 839 o'clock.
[00:43:06] Speaker C: But, bree, that's so early.
[00:43:09] Speaker B: Yes. I didn't say I was asleep. I said I'm in bed at 839 o'clock. I don't go to sleep till, like, ten, but I like to be relaxed. I like to get my REM cycle started.
My body likes to calm down. No phone. Maybe I'm reading a book, maybe I'm watching a show, but I like to come down.
That's so early. Shut up, mace. I become a homebody just because I feel like before the pandemic, I was burning the candle from both ends, and the pandemic taught me how to slow down. And I haven't fully ramped back up.
[00:43:42] Speaker C: Yet, and I don't know if you need to.
I performed in, I think it was 72 shows in 2019, and I was also working full time as a producer and doing all of these other things. And I was so burnt out at the start of 2020 that things slowing down in March of that year, there was a part of me where I was like, this is kind of nice. And obviously there are a lot of other things that were not nice, but it was interesting how this, like, bigger societal shift forced a deeply personal shift of, like, understanding. Oh, this is what it feels like to get 10 hours of sleep seven days in a row, and, like, holy shit. My body, like, on a molecular level feels so much healthier.
[00:44:36] Speaker B: Yep. Yeah. No, and I think it's like, why? Like, with this move, and I was telling you, like, if I move to Boston, I don't know if I would live in Boston proper or be Boston adjacent, because I'm like, I don't need to live in a city again. I just need to be able to get to a city if I want to do something.
[00:44:52] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:44:53] Speaker B: Because I like to be like. I like to cook every night my dinner. I like to have friends over, as you know, I'm like. I think I'm just in my homestead era, and it's okay, which is a.
[00:45:04] Speaker C: Good era to be in, because you really get to curate the vibes that are around you. Right. Like, you can be selective with who you invite into your house. You can, you know, bring in the foods and the shows and the decorations and, like, the things that you actually feel nurtured by instead of, like, you're settling for whatever it is.
Exactly.
[00:45:28] Speaker B: Okay. We're now in our thirties.
Is there anything you want to do or accomplish or would want, like, your future self to come back and be like, this is what has happened. You should be proud.
[00:45:44] Speaker C: Oh, wow. That is a great question.
I think on a professional level, there's still quite a bit that I would like to pursue as a writer and a director. A lot of what I've done has been as a producer and a performer, and I think those will absolutely be the cornerstones of who I am in, like, a public facing professional capacity. But I directed my first music video last year, and that was so fun, and I'd love to get to flex that muscle a bit more and really develop it. And then as a writer, I have actually been working on a script for the last four years that is so complicated and so fun. And I really just want to be able to pursue making that project in a way that it's absolutely going to challenge me, if I'm being honest with myself. But I think it will be the necessary growth that I need, and I really don't care who engages with it. It could really just be something that I do for myself. But I'd like to know that I made it happen and that it was a joyful process to make.
[00:47:09] Speaker B: I see it happening.
[00:47:10] Speaker C: Also, in a slightly more humorous tangent, I wanna have a threesome.
[00:47:16] Speaker B: Have you never.
[00:47:18] Speaker C: I've.
[00:47:23] Speaker B: We don't have to get into it. I'm just shocked.
[00:47:25] Speaker C: No, I have been near. Okay.
[00:47:31] Speaker B: Got it.
I had. I've only had one.
It was with two women. Oh, I know a time.
But I would go, I would like a dude girl situation. I haven't done that yet.
[00:47:49] Speaker C: So that's what my almost threesome was. So there was three of us who were making out at a party.
[00:47:55] Speaker B: Aren't you?
[00:47:55] Speaker C: And she ended up going into another room. And, you know, it started off, we're all like, making out. We're all in this together. And then it really became, like their thing.
[00:48:09] Speaker B: Oh, no.
[00:48:10] Speaker C: Like I said, comedy follows me. And it was like, okay, well, I'll continue to hang out. And I was like, oh, no, I'm actually obsolete.
Situation.
[00:48:28] Speaker B: Riveting.
Riveting.
[00:48:31] Speaker C: Yeah. So I'd like to have a real one where I'm an actor.
[00:48:34] Speaker B: Involved participant.
[00:48:35] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:48:39] Speaker B: It does change the vibe.
Like, in mind, we were all very involved participants.
They were a couple. I'm friends with them, and it happened on a drunken holiday.
[00:48:51] Speaker C: Wow. Bree, I love this for you.
[00:48:54] Speaker B: Thank you. I was a youth then. I was a young whooper snapper. And by young, I mean 29. But yeah, no, no, I recommend. It is a. It is a interesting time in life as everyone, as long as everyone's a consenting adult, I fully support whatever happens behind a closed, closed door, whatever venue you find that is appropriate. So just go to town, literally.
Yeah. I think about the answer to the question I gave you professionally, what I want to see happen.
I told you I'm considering starting a podcast network because I have nothing else going on in my life. Apparently, I'm just projects for days.
I've also been writing again, which I haven't done in a very long time, which is scary to me as a perfectionist and as a kid who threw up, who threw up, who grew up doing theater, who didn't really lean into the writing, because I was always like, it's always very personal writing.
But, yeah, I've been writing some potential things for some people, like, character wise and looking through the aspect of diversity in film and tv, which we've talked about. So I'm like, that could also be a really fun career of, like, making sure characters actually sound like real people and not just, like, stereotypical bullshit. Like, as you. As we've talked about one treehouse, one of my favorite shows of all time. But I think about the black. The one black character on that show, and he would just, like, say random shit. Like, an old white man wrote this. Like, no black kid I know has ever truly said this. Seriously, like, you can tell, like, there is not a black writer in this room. So. And, like. And then you look at. Go ahead and. Yeah, but then you, like, look at shows, like, insecure and, like, what Issa did for black television, like, that's the kind of shit, so.
[00:50:43] Speaker C: Oh, you'd be amazing at that.
[00:50:45] Speaker B: Thank you. So working on that a little bit, and then, personally, I want to find a partner eventually.
I think I want children.
[00:50:56] Speaker C: Really?
[00:50:57] Speaker B: Yeah, I want to be a mom. I just don't want to pay for all the things that come with being a parent. Like, college is expensive. Diapers are expensive. If I end up with a partner who already has kids, I'd be, like, the happiest bonus mom on the face of the planet.
I don't think I want to be pregnant. That shit terrifies me.
[00:51:13] Speaker C: Yeah, that's.
[00:51:14] Speaker B: You grow a whole human, and then you have to give a birth and hope you don't die. And your baby doesn't die trigger warnings to everybody.
It's a lot to think about in childbirth. So we'll see if someone was like, benefits. Someone handed me a baby. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Would love to take this little chicken. So.
Yeah. Okay, nice. Well, thank you for coming on. I will be sure to link everything so people can find you. Check out queer town, season four. Starting or wrapping? Wrapping. Season four.
[00:51:49] Speaker C: Wrapping. Yeah, wrapping season four, and then we're done for the year.
[00:51:53] Speaker B: The year. What a time to be alive.
So stay tuned for that. I'm going to make them have me back on Queertown eventually, so you'll see that come down the pipeline at the end of every episode. As you know, as a dedicated listener, which I appreciate, your listenership does not go unnoticed. I feel like I'm NPR.
This is not possible.
[00:52:15] Speaker C: Viewers like you, it will not be.
[00:52:17] Speaker B: Possible without your support.
At the end of every episode, I asked my guests a question. It's a two parter. You can answer either one. What is the best advice you ever. You were ever given? Or what's a piece of advice you would give to your younger self?
[00:52:32] Speaker C: Hmm.
I think a piece of advice that I would give to my younger self is to understand that everyone is approaching things with their own background and their own limitations, and that so little of what I will experience in my twenties has really anything to do with me. It's just other people navigating their own shit.
[00:53:02] Speaker B: That's a podcast that was up for a different day.
[00:53:05] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Why didn't we talk about that one?
[00:53:07] Speaker B: You can come back anytime.
[00:53:10] Speaker C: 45 minutes ago.
[00:53:11] Speaker B: No, no, no. You can come back anytime.
That's it for this week's episode of the tea with Brie. Be sure to follow the podcast on Instagram hetewithbrie. Send me an
[email protected], or visit the website thetwithbreepodcast.com dot. You can find me your host, Brianna Jenkins on Instagram, rhianna jenkins. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. A special thanks to Mama Duke for r three music, and I will catch you next time. Bye.
